Hello Abigail. Yes, you, in the pink.

Your big brother (that’ll be me) has been spectac­u­larly useless, and failed to get you anything nice for your birth­day (that’s today, as I’m sure you’re aware).

This could be something to do with not having a clue what you’d like. He thought about another game for the ‘cube but he would appear to have already bought you all the good ones. The he thought about a CD, but what does an Abbie listen to, if anything? The chocol­ate, sweets and book/music/beer token options all seem like a bit of a cop-out.

It could also be down to sheer disor­gan­isa­tion on his part.

No doubt he’ll give you a call later and see if you know what you’d like [1]), have a think, buy something and put it in the post. Maybe he’ll come and visit you at some point in the near future? He can’t plan his life beyond tomor­row so who knows when that might be…

Anyway, he hopes you’re having a good one and that you’ll forgive his useless­ness — you really ought to be used to it by now!

[1] The reader might be inter­ested to know that this question usually results in an “erm…” or something very very expens­ive indeed.