I dragged myself out of bed this morning, late as usual. I heard the pitter-patter of raindrops on the window. Great. Riding to work in the rain is always good for a laugh. In my mad rush I couldn’t find my waterproof over-trousers (in fact I still can’t). No problem, I’ll just bung the crud-guard on the back of the bike. Could I find it? Could I fu… No, I couldn’t.

Man, it was absolutely hammering it down out there. I had a decidedly wet backside by the time I got to work. Oooh, I had such a comfortable day. I recommend that you try it. No, really.

I’d also recommend that you get overtaken by a Smart Fortwo on the way home. Now, that’s got to be one of the narrowest cars on the road, right? So why, when on a near-deserted dual carriageway did they have to pass me with literally a few centimentres to spare?

MOVE OVER THERE YOU SPANNER! YOU’VE GOT A WHOLE OTHER LANE TO PLAY WITH!

You might well have a narrow car, but that’s no excuse for passing me without altering your course even slightly. Ferchrissakes, it’s even a left-hand drive model! Dunderheaded numpty.