The Pasta Conspiracy
Is it me, or are all pasta manufacturers lying buggers? Pick up pasta. Read packet.
Ten minutes it says. Ten minutes my arse. It’s going to be at least fifteen, maybe even twenty. It’s the same with whatever pasta you buy.
Buy ours, it cooks quicker! No it bloody doesn’t. Or if it does it’s that pathetic wafer-thin excuse for pasta you sell as “quick-cook”. You can always add five to ten minutes to the numbers on the side to get it anywhere near cooked.
There’s clearly a huge conspiracy against anybody who wants to cook the stuff. Forget your governments harbouring aliens, this one goes way bigger. It’s the mafia slowing the cooking speed of pasta. Perhaps they’re even controlling the boiling point of water. You can just see it can’t you? The Godfather, sat in a huge leather armchair, chewing on a fat cigar and surrounded by henchmen.
If the Assozzione Manufacturi di Pasta does not meet our demands, water shall boil at 81°C! Penne shall forever take an age to cook! You will reach your grave before your Tagliatelle is al dente! MUAAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAA!
It’ll turn out to be true, you mark my words.