Christmas was good wasn’t it? While we were partying in our collective living rooms, one of the biggest natural disasters in recorded history struck Asia. Put simply, they need aid, and fast. Andy Budd puts it a lot better than I do. But you can help:

And just when you think it can’t get any worse, Tsunami-related spams begin to arrive. Always make sure you donate to a reputable charity.

Time to head for home. Unlock the bike, put the lights on, climb aboard. Pedalpedalpedal, swing it out then carve into the first corner, same as normal…SCKRE-THUD!

****!

Get up, look down at the bike. Look back at the ground. What the hell happened there then? Brush myself down. Somehow I hit my hip, my arse and the front of my knee. That bloody hurts.

You okay?

Aye, fine thanks. Its a bit slippy there.

Pick up bike. straighten out mudguard. Get back on. Carry on as normal — but slower.

That still bloody hurts.

You might well remember The Grey Album – where a DJ mashed up Jay-Z’s Black Album with The Beatles White Album.

Well now a certain “dj BC” has done the much the same thing, except that in this case they’ve mixed The Beastie Boys with the Beatles, to create The Beastles — and early indications are that it works quite well.

[Don’t be at all surprised when that link falls off of the face of the net… via Nick Bradbury]

Its apparently 5°C outside. That means for the daily commute I’m dressed in a snow-coat, wooly hat, gloves and have the option of a scarf in my bag.

The fact that I’m riding along at ludicrous speed means that I create my own wind-chill. On the way out of the house I say to my housemate its really bloody cold today!

How wrong was I?

Stuart recently moved to New York. He’s scared to leave the apartment – because its -10C or -25C with the windchill.

Whats more, in my Alien Loves Predator email this morning, I’m told It is very, very cold today. Do not go outside.

All of a sudden I’m glad I live in slightly warmer climes.

Phone rings. Its Alice.

Hi, we’re in Sainsbury's, in the beer section. What would you like us to get in for you for Christmas?

Winner!

My word, we really did look ridiculous.

[A follow-up to Fancy Dress]

We wander slowly up the tunnel. Part of me is wondering whether or not I’ll get searched again — after all, I’d already been x-rayed twice before we boarded this morning.

So this is the mighty America then. The famous J.F.K. It looks just like the airport we left, an anonymous windowless tunnel all the way into customs. It doesn’t seem as clean as Heathrow. Maybe this one’s just older.

Except for the toilets, that is. These ones are spotless, which is a marked contrast to the blocked up crap we had to endure back in good ol’ blighty.

There’s a security officer guarding a puddle on the floor and guiding people around it, while he waits for a cleaner to arrive. I guess thats just in case someone slips and sues the airport to hell and back.

Customs amuses me. Every officer at every desk seems to fit the stereotypes that we get to see on things like LAPD Blue. I get a large bearded older bloke. He clearly can’t wait for home-time to come along. They take my fingerprints and a cheap-looking camera takes a snap of my face. We’re straight through without a hitch.

Airports really are the same everywhere aren’t they? Heathrow, Geneva, Lyon, Gatwick, JFK. Big, dull and anonymous. Long tunnels plastered with adverts for things I probably won’t buy and services I’m unlikely to t use. All they are is a great big bus terminal, and they’re never the most exciting places in the world are they? Nope, they’re just a way into the city. In this case, that really is quite an exciting place to be.

[Inspired by Stuart’s First Impressions of the same place.]

Last night was our work Christmas party.

In a half shell, they’re the heroes four.
In this day and age who could ask for more?
The crime wave is high with muggings mysterious.
Our police and detectives are furious,
‘Cause they can’t find the source,
Of this lethally evil force.
This is serious so give me a quarter.
I was a witness, get me a reporter!
Call April O’Neil in on this case, and
You’d better hurry up, there’s no time to waste!
We need help, like quick, on the double.
Have pity on the city, man it’s in trouble!
We need heroes like the Lone Ranger
When Tonto came pronto, when there was danger.
They didn’t say they’d be there in half an hour,
‘Cause they displayed…Turtle Power!

Can you guess what we went as yet? Pictures to follow. Maybe.